Blenders Are For Puréeing

Blenders Are For Puréeing(conceptualized and co-authored by Samuel Stavinoha)

All the people go spinning around
furiously around, and again they go around
with the heirloom tomatoes and the hatch green
chiles and the purple onion,
but most of them never realize that if 
you just press your whole body against
the clear glass that you can stay out 
of the salsa churning in the blades
down below us all, at the foot of the world. 
It's ridiculous to think that we are 
so poorly adapted as apes that we can't
even swim fast enough to get 
out of the wake most of the time
and the ones that do just cling 
in terror, watching everything raging into
salsa below them. They hold on 
screaming for god to shut the blender 
off, but the sound is too great and 
everyone's just screaming at the air. 
I heard a story once of a man who thought 
he was safe from the salsa, but he accidentally
let go when he answered his blackberry. 
I heard Christopher Columbus made it out 
with only a few stained clothes to go on
and catastrophically discover the new world. 
How evil the world must have been then,
before we stopped answering questions about the universe
with wars instead of math. Or was it art that we use?
I can never remember. This blender is so loud
it is so very hard to remember.
I also heard that owning Apple products
statistically increases your chances of
getting up the glass, but then again,
so does being Batman. 
There are days I feel like I'm a glass-climber
and days that I feel like minced garlic.
In the end, I guess it's a matter of opinion.